Leadership Style: Should I Change Who I Am?

Can I be an effective leader without changing my personality?

What a great question! One that most first-time managers ask since the idea of this transition is scary. In the middle of a role shift, taking on all these new responsibilities, having to shift from Doer to Enabler, reading all these posts and articles about how to become a better manager, and observing – maybe – other more experienced leaders around them, some really struggle with this concept: should I make a change so abrupt that it will change my personality?

No, you don’t!

Being a successful manager is not about shifting your entire personality and trying to become something you are not. Don’t try to fit into some rigid box, a stereotype of a “proper personality,” one that is “more fitted to the role.” This is one of the bigger misconceptions people have about this change. Management is all about aligning your core values, your communication style, strengths, and super-powers with the new job. It’s about how flexible and adaptable you can be when it comes to the new role.

In this article, we will go over some of the myths surrounding this idea and try to get you, the first-time manager, a better, healthier, and much more realistic view about the topic.

The Myth: You should be more outspoken, hyper-extrovert, the authority figure
The Alpha: The only way to successfully be a leader
The Battle of the Ages: Introvert Vs Extrovert Leaders
Leadership and Core Values
The “Fake Persona”
Uncover your authentic style
Final Thoughts

Part I. The Myth: You should be more outspoken, hyper-extrovert, the authority figure

There’s always this great debate among people when it comes to promoting someone to a manager role. It goes like this: we need someone who is outspoken, someone that is able to handle these people, someone with a proper personality… someone that has the right authority figure. In my opinion, this comes from the older school of management, one that used to put in the front seat the person with the most aggressive and authority-oriented personality. I say old school because this idea of having a very strong figure is really not effective. While very few personalities might adapt better with this type of manager, many of us just don’t like it. It has to do with the way imposing personalities impact us on a psychological level: it triggers a fight-or-flight response in all of us, increases stress levels, and creates a fear-based environment where creativity and growth are inhibited.

But what about the outspoken part? What about those really charismatic leaders, those that always have some inspirational speech, something that always keeps the people happy and feeling safe? Well, let me put it like this: what you see isn’t always the truth. Behind the veil, things look a bit different. We never know for a fact that someone who is, in public, really good with people, has a great speech, and appears to be a fantastic leader is in fact like that. He could be the shy type just playing a role, or less people-oriented… who knows? The idea here is that it’s not about how outspoken you can be; it’s about how you use your own personality and let people know you for who you really are, and make the situation work for you. Remember, it’s not a template we have to fit in; it’s about adjusting the template for us.

As far as the extrovert goes, this is also a myth. While yes, we can agree that extroverts can be great leaders because of their stronger personality traits when dealing with people, it’s not a guarantee that an extrovert will make a good leader. In fact, some of the pitfalls are really interesting to look at and I have a some very interesting examples in the next parts.

Part II. The Alpha: The only way to successfully be a leader

The oldest and most outdated concept is about the Alpha. If you don’t know this, let’s take a leap back in time and see what this was about. Many years ago, and for a lot of time really, the idea was that a leader must be the Alpha: the one that will absolutely dominate everything in the room, the person that no one will dare challenge, the only one with absolute control. This however, as history tells us, was a big mistake. Alphas (or the combination of a less desirable personality traits) have a lot of aspects that don’t really create successful teams. You might think they do if observed from the outside (and you say, wow – look at them, strong and capable leaders), but working under them is a completely different thing. A successful team must have the freedom to question decision-making; it must be in a place that functions by growth and coaching. If you have a person that is dictating everything, someone that you dare not contradict, someone that is “too strong” of a personality, you will fail.

Work already adds enough pressure on us; we don’t need another layer of pressure from some “I am the one person.” We need a place that creates discussion, stimulates thought, and helps the employee get better. Over time, the idea of the Alpha was deconstructed, and the new school of management replaced this concept with more accurate personas rooted in scientific observations and studies.

And we have a few of these personas, so let’s take a look and see what they are all about:

The Catalyst: they drive vision, energy, and high-level momentum.
The Anchor: they bring stability, psychological safety, and better decision-making.
The Coach: they are focused on employee development, on career growth, and active listening.
The Strategist: they lead through clarity, systems, and deep subject-matter context.

These personas are more archetypes, meaning they can be used as tools, not personalities. A good leader knows when to navigate between each of them to achieve success. Sometimes we need to be the anchor, sometimes the coach, and sometimes the strategist. You also need to be aware of the fact that these types can and should be applied differently depending on the person you are dealing with: some will react better to a coach while others to a strategist. It’s up to you and the context you are given.

Part III. The Battle of the Ages: Introvert Vs Extrovert Leaders

Truly a question for the ages! Since the days of Kings and Queens, we had this debate: who will do it better – the extrovert King with a strong personality or the introvert Queen with a demurer personality?

In reality, both can be equally good or equally bad at the job, because it is not about the personality; it’s about the capabilities. Great leaders will adapt and make whatever traits they have work for them. Between the two types, everything comes down to energy orientation: where they focus their attention, how they process information, and how they recharge.

The Extrovert

Core traits are:

External Processing: Thinks out loud; formulates ideas through group discussion and brainstorming.
High Social Energy: Comfortable commanding a room, presenting to stakeholders, and initiating spontaneous conversations.
Proactive Networking: Naturally builds cross-functional connections and advocates for the team upwardly.
Action-Oriented: Tends to make decisions quickly to maintain momentum.

Pitfalls of the extrovert in people management:

Dominating the Conversational Space: Can accidentally turn 1:1s or team syncs into monologues, leaving quieter employees feeling unheard.
Bias Toward Vocal Team Members: May mistake visibility and quick verbal answers for high competence, unintentionally overlooking introverted top performers.
Over-Communicating Unrefined Ideas: Because they process out loud, direct reports might take brainstormed “what-ifs” as immediate mandates, causing unnecessary panic or extra work.
Listening Bottlenecks: May jump in to solve problems verbally before the team member has finished explaining their perspective.

A great example of an extrovert who really knew how she should manage very aggressive male counterparts in an era where women were less likely to succeed is Queen Elizabeth the First of England.

When dealing with unruly Parliaments demanding she marry or hand over economic concessions, Queen Elizabeth I rarely relied solely on executive decree. Instead, she leveraged dynamic verbal energy, sharp wit, and theatrical charm to win over hostile audiences. By treating Parliament as a stage and using personal warmth to disarm political opposition, she demonstrated how extroverted presence and persuasive communication can shift the room in high-stakes environments.

The Introvert

Core traits:

Internal Processing: Thinks before speaking; prefers analyzing data and options thoroughly before sharing a conclusion.
Active Listening: Excels at creating quiet space in 1:1s, observing team dynamics, and absorbing input.
Thoughtful & Written Communication: Prefers clear asynchronous communication, detailed briefs, and structured agendas.
Receptive Leadership: Highly effective at leading proactive, self-directed teams because they step back and let experts execute.

Pitfalls of the Introvert in people management:

Perceived Unapproachability: Direct reports may misinterpret quiet reflection or a need for solitude as emotional distance, aloofness, or lack of support.
Slower Decision-Making in Crises: A preference for deep analysis can lead to “analysis paralysis” when a situation demands immediate, decisive action.
Reluctance to Stakeholder Advocate: May avoid the internal politics or high-visibility self-promotion required to secure resources or recognition for their team.
Under-Communicating Intent: Assuming “no news is good news,” they might forget to provide frequent verbal reassurance or context to team members who thrive on real-time feedback.

A great example of introverts and how they can use this in their favor is Abraham Lincoln. When managing a cabinet filled with hostile political rivals who actively underestimated him, Abraham Lincoln relied on introverted strengths rather than boisterous dominance. Instead of out-talking his vocal advisors, he practiced active listening, giving rivals space to state their cases while he mentally processed the situation. By doing his deepest strategic thinking in solitude and communicating through meticulously crafted written statements, Lincoln demonstrated how quiet composure, reflection, and deliberate communication can unite conflicting stakeholders far more effectively than loud posturing.

In the end, it’s not about what you are; it’s about how you act and use the traits you have to work best for your situation. Both personalities are equally good and bad at people management. It’s about the person, not the traits.

Part IV. Leadership and Core Values

When it comes to why people decide to follow a leader, it’s not about the persona… it’s about their values. The best thing you can do is to ground your leadership in core values. People never follow a polished persona; they follow consistency and clarity.

It helps a lot to also establish your non-negotiables. These are traits you possess that under no circumstances can be altered (transparency, autonomy, empathy, rigor, etc.). Most important is how these values translate into daily management habits.

Then we have behavior alignment: be consistent in everything you do. Too many changes from one side to the other, or swings that appear out of nowhere, are not recommended. Check simple things like how your habits dictate the way you manage 1-on-1s, mistakes, delivering feedback, etc. And make sure you act the same way under pressure each time: don’t change from A to Z; this will not have the impact you think it will.

Part V. The Fake Persona

Some managers assume it’s easier to just invent this fake persona and hide behind it when dealing with people. For the actor, trained and experienced in this field, this is a great way to do the job. For the manager… not so much! There are a few things we need to talk about when discussing the topic of the fake persona:

The Trust Gap: People will not trust someone they do not see as authentic. This is in part because people who give off the vibe of being fake do not make their intentions clear. If intention is not clear, there can’t be any trust. We just don’t trust fake people. You never know what’s behind the mask, so why take any risks?
Mental Burnout: Let’s say, for the sake of discussion, that you think the best way to approach this new position is by faking it. Now picture this: 8 hours per day you must wear this “manager person mask,” go home and take it off, go back to normal you, sleep, wake up and start all over again. The strain this puts on your mental health is enormous.
Authentic Vs Unfiltered “You”: There’s a big difference between authenticity and the unfiltered you. It’s one thing to be as real as you can be in a professional environment, and it’s another thing altogether to be unfiltered. The distinction between these two is very important, since the balance between them is of utmost importance.

Part VI. Uncover your authentic style

This is more of an exercise you can do to try and figure out what YOU are all about:

Conduct a Strengths & Energy Audit: Track which management tasks energize you versus which drain you.
Gather 360-Degree Feedback: Ask peers and direct reports: “When do you see me at my most effective?”
Draft Your Leadership User Manual: Document your communication preferences, core values, and expectations for your team.
Iterate and Refine: Treat leadership as an evolving practice rather than a static identity.

Final Thoughts

The core lesson of this article is this: lead as yourself. Effective management has nothing to do with authority, or with introverts or extroverts, but with competence, trust, and alignment. It’s about not changing who you are at your core just to fit a mold. Be who you are, be the best version of yourself, and make your personality work for the role.

While each great leader will bring something unique to the table, you must find your own path. You must decide what traits (that you already have) will matter most in this job. This is the secret sauce leaders have: genuine self.

As a final food for thought, think about the great leaders you know and/or appreciate, look at your own traits and personality, and ask yourself the question: how can I, with the way I am now, do the things this person is doing?

Until the next article, stay safe, healthy, and happy. Help others as much and as often as you can!