How do I get people to respect my direction quickly as a first-time manager?
If you scroll a bit on social media, especially on LinkedIn, you will find at least 5 posts from someone about how a true leader will never demand respect. This has been a topic of discussion since the early 2010s, and even if we have a lot of attention on it, thousands of posts, and TED Talks, we still have the issue. Now why is that? Why do we still have managers struggling with this question of trust and capability?
The concept itself is old, actually older than you might think. Early resistance to authority started with The Hawthorne Studies (1924–1932) and The Human Relations Movement, making a breakpoint in 1960 with Theory X vs. Theory Y when management professor Douglas McGregor published The Human Side of Enterprise, contrasting old-school, coercive command-and-control (Theory X) with a trust- and motivation-based approach where workers are self-directed (Theory Y). As odd as that might be, it wasn’t until the early 2010s when social media started to bloom that people actually started to really talk about this.
So, to get you as a first-time manager on your way with this dilemma, here is what we will be going over today:
- The Fast-Track Illusion
- I said it, but I don’t feel like it: The Politician
- To be or not to be: Reliability over Perfection
- The Broken-Promise Crown
- Decision-Making without a curtain
The Fast-Track Illusion
If you are new to the job and really want to annoy your team, the best way to do it is by doing something many first-time managers (and the more experienced, actually) do: demand trust and credibility. With a staggering 58% of managers receiving zero support or formal training before or when they took the role, according to the Dave Alexander Center (link here), it’s not really a big surprise that we see managers taking on a much more demanding stance. Studies also confirm it, with 64% of managers reporting feeling explicit organizational pressure to take a much harder, more demanding stance on employee performance (Perceptyx) and 40% of employees reporting that their manager adopted a more demanding and in-control style in the past year.
But why is this happening?
Firstly, having a demanding style of management is no longer the “go-to” style. Maybe a few decades ago this was fine and everyone was looking for more “traditional boss” types; however, studies on this have consistently shown that people do not react well to these bosses. Anyone that has worked with this type (I know I have, sadly many times) knows how hard, frustrating, and demotivating this is: there’s no room for personal growth, everything must be done yesterday, a lot of “do it my way or hit the doorway,” and the good old “I’m your boss, I demand respect.” Not a good place to be working, and it’s not a surprise that teams with this type of management have very high turnover.
Secondly, there’s the topic of improper human investment. I know, a broken record by now, as I keep repeating the same topic, but it’s true. This is the reason I made this blog: there is little interest in the first layer of management or the first-time manager. Companies either don’t care or just assume people will magically develop skills overnight. It could also be, in my opinion, a matter of “well, I had to learn it on my own, so why can’t you do it?”, which is adding even more fuel to the flame.
If we step back and look at this objectively, why would a bunch of people respect and trust someone that says, “You have to respect and trust me now because I am superior”? It doesn’t make any sense, and it clashes with absolutely everything we believe in. Humans, along the path of evolution, have developed a very distinct way of building relationships: trust. This doesn’t come if imposed, but it comes when we see ourselves in others, a tale as old as time. Fun fact: one of the theories about why we yawn explores the idea that we do it when we see others because this is a trait passed down from one generation to another as a form of building trust by repeating what others do, from the days of the first humans. It was a way of showing other tribes we can connect with them and we are alike, thus forming bigger tribes.
A shocking factor for you would be this: quiet reliability will beat loud authority any day. This is because when you work on building trust slowly and without a fuss, people have the opportunity to see you over time and step-by-step get a better view of who you are. Loud authority just comes in, demands X, Y, and Z, and that’s it: either do it or leave.
I said it, but I don’t feel like it: The Politician
Ah, the politician: one of the most annoying leaders to work with. Their profile is all about what you see today in politics: “I say something to get people on my side, and now that I have them, I will no longer be doing what I said I would.” This is a sure way of putting people off. If you said you will do something, do it when you said you would. People will never respect you if there’s no backbone. We want leaders that keep their word. It’s because of this, among other things, that leaders should be very careful with what they say: don’t be the politician and say something just because people want to hear it, they will expect you to follow through on your words. Practice the fine art of stepping back from an issue, talking less, and listening more.
Here’s a mental exercise for you: you have an employee who is not satisfied with the money they are making. As a first-time manager wanting to improve the attrition rate, or maybe you just want to keep them because they are good, you promise (or hint at) a raise or promotion. Days pass, then weeks and months, and HR is not doing it because they either can’t, have no budget, or maybe both. That employee will never trust you again: you said something, and you never did it. To make matters worse, some managers deflect this back onto HR or the company in an effort to save face, and that is a big no-no. You will only add more fuel to an already existing fire.
The best way to approach this issue is with small and consistent actions: things you can do now, here and there, nothing big. This over time will outweigh any big, heroic leaps you try to make once per year. Don’t promise raises, better tools, or heavy changes if you can’t deliver them; implement smaller things that have an immediate effect (even if they are smaller in scope).
Create a system or have some kind of framework to help with follow-throughs: maybe a weekly connect or monthly check-in, maybe a dedicated procedure on how you improve or approach different things, or forward feedback (details on it in this article: Effective Feedback: A First-Time Manager’s Guide).
To be or not to be: Reliability over Perfection
Perfection: a word that has transformed into a trigger word for most people. Personally, when I hear someone say, “I’m a perfectionist,” a red light starts blinking in my mind: I don’t trust them. There’s no such thing as perfectionism. It’s a myth we see on social media, on TV, and in movies. The beauty of people is the variation, the differences, and the authenticity, not some perfectly created creature that will always do the right thing. We don’t have perfect people, and I don’t think we want them. How can you approach even the theoretical concept of a perfect person? There’s nothing to relate to: you make mistakes – they don’t; you have these special things about you – they don’t; you like fast food – they don’t. We can embrace the notion of striving for “the perfect,” but this is something else, and it’s a case-by-case situation, not overall in everything we do.
From a different perspective, the perfectionist will most probably be a micromanager due to the nature of the concept itself: everything must be done to the letter, no deviations allowed. It is partly because of this that reliability will beat perfection any day. When we create a space where employees are able to see our capabilities over time and judge us based on merit, trust and credibility just appear organically. To be reliable is to be there for your team, to work with them side-by-side, and to showcase that you are a true leader, not someone who comes in and demands things to happen.
The Broken-Promise Crown
Similar to the Politician, the “Broken Promise” is a steep drop in trust and credibility. People will completely ignore everything you say and do from the moment you make a promise that you never keep. Whatever you promise to your people must be kept at the same level as the commitments you are making to upper management. You can’t make one set for the team with lower commitment and another, much higher set for upper management. This is why so many leaders fail in their jobs and don’t get the respect and trust of their teams. It’s the same reason why you see all these websites where people complain about companies, flooded with feedback about “how terrible bosses are,” “they never keep their word,” “it’s a toxic place, don’t go there,” etc. It’s about perception and how skilled some leaders are at keeping their promises.
A very easy mistake for first-timers to make is bandwidth management: when you don’t have a proper plan ahead of you, it’s very easy to get overwhelmed and underdeliver. This is why a good leader will plot a proper project plan for whatever they need to do if or when they make a promise. Sometimes it helps to answer some questions to get you on your way:
- For how many people am I doing this?
- What is the impact on the team, customer, or other departments?
- Is there a financial impact?
- How will senior management react?
- How much time would I need to get this done?
- What is the worst thing that could happen if I promise and don’t deliver?
You can look at this as a decision map, and more information on this is available in this article: First-Time Manager’s Authority Guide.
Sometimes it happens that whatever promise we make must be amended due to different business needs, not enough money, customer pressure, etc. You need to know how to manage this like a pro, which means checking some very important aspects:
- Communication: Always have a communication plan in place that is real (don’t feed people corporate BS) and doesn’t treat people like complete idiots. Make sure you explain the exact business reason and that you make it human, don’t just say “They no longer want this, so deal with it.” You are talking to humans, so be one.
- Strategy: Realign your priorities and check them against on-the-ground realities. From these, you can develop a good strategy for the near future: maybe you can’t promote your top performers due to a lack of money or promotion suspensions, but maybe you can offer an incentive plan until this is fixed, or a retention bonus. There are many ways of dealing with this as long as you play a strategic card, one that works both for your team and your bosses (because you also have to convince them as well).
- The Human aspect: Above all else, just be human. Dealing with people is hard, and you need to put yourself in their shoes to understand how they are feeling. Some might have families to support, might be having a really bad year, or might have mortgages, sick family members, a new baby on the way, school expenses, etc. You need to understand this when dealing with people: they are not just an Employee ID, they are real and an integral and essential part of the corporate machine. Treat them like numbers, and that’s what you will get.
Decision-Making without a curtain
There’s an old saying I really love that Judge Judy uses a lot: “When you tell the truth, you don’t need to have a good memory because you don’t lie.” I always think about this when making decisions: I always say what I mean. Every decision you make should be made without a curtain. Let people know what you are planning, why you are planning it, and when. Make decision-making a team consultation, because most of the time their input is essential. Good business thrives on multiple people coming together and brainstorming. Companies don’t just decide “Ah, we will do this” through the actions of a single person; it’s an entire mechanism, and before the idea is even sent out the door, it’s evaluated 10 times by different people.
It’s the same for every decision you want to make: put it out there, test it with your team, and even if you must go against their objections, take the time and try as best as you can to resolve those objections.
Until the next article, stay safe, healthy, and happy!